Train the Trainer – Chapter Two

I couldn’t find someone I thought looked like Teddy – so screw it, here’s an actually teddy :p

Freak.

Nobody is supposed to have two moms, how did they have you?

Teddy could still hear them. He could still see their faces twisted into mocking jeers and the tears on one girl’s face from a full belly laugh. They thought it was funny, laughing at him for never having a father.

Freak.
I can’t believe you actually believed them, of course you have a dad somewhere…


A dad. He had never needed a dad before, having two moms made him special. That’s what his mom said anyway.

Freak.

Teddy felt stupid now. They had lied to him, of course he had to have a father somewhere, since everyone else did. And he couldn’t be special.
He was a slow, stupid, little kid freak.

Teddy slammed the door shut when he got into the silver Honda waiting for him at the curb and buckled in without a word. He didn’t even look at Mommy.

“How was your day Teddy bear?” Mommy’s voice was full of his favourite peppermint candy. Teddy closed his eyes. He didn’t want to be her ‘Teddy Bear’ right now. And he didn’t want to feel warm and fuzzy and special when he heard her say it. It was just another lie. Just like everything else she had told him. Teddy gave an irritated sigh.

When she finally caught on to the mood Louisa took a hand from the wheel and placed it between them, approaching the seven year old cautiously. “Bad day I’m guessing.”

Teddy ignored her. This was her fault. Her fault, and mom’s. They should’ve told him, why didn’t they?
So he used the one thing he knew for sure would hurt her, the silent treatment, he’d learned it from mom after all.

“Teddy you have to tell me something.” Mommy insisted with ‘the tone’.

“Why,” he broke his silence, “You don’t tell me everything!”

Louisa rose a slim brow, where was this coming from? She didn’t have to take this from her seven year old, she was the parent here. “No. But you are not my mother. I’m yours, so you have to tell me everything.” When he remained silent she nudged him and gave him a feather soft prompt, “C’mon, tell Mommy everything.”

Teddy knew he wouldn’t win. Now that his friends had planted the idea of having a father, the thought wormed its way around his brain and burned like a brand. He needed to know. “Who’s my father?”

Louisa slammed the brakes, knocked breathless as icicles of fear penetrated her consciousness. Behind her a car swerved out to avoid crashing into her rear and the driver yelled, “Get off the damned streets lady!”

Eyes wide as plates met hers from the backseat of the man’s car as the child absorbed the ‘bad word’. Louisa refrained from answering in kind and instead refocused on the road. She eased on the gas and shot a glance at Teddy, who had folded his arms waiting to hear what she had to say now.

It wasn’t like the first time three years ago, when he had stopped her as she read Goldilocks to ask her what papa bear really was. This time an answer like before won’t work. It was no longer enough to hear that a papa bear was the biggest and the strongest who protected the home.

This Teddy wouldn’t laugh and call his Mom the papa bear because of the time she snapped at the teenagers throwing eggs at their car and calling out rude names.  

No. This was different. Her baby was angry, demanding answers.

“So that’s what’s bothering you.” It was a statement but Teddy nodded. “Who troubled you about that?”

“Little Nick. He said babies need a daddy and a mommy, and that without a father that someone can’t have a baby.” Teddy hardly breathed getting it all out, then continued, “Rudy called me freak because I said I was different – I told him what you and mommy always said… That I was special.”

Louisa heart clenched painfully. There was always some snot faced brat that came out of nowhere and that told your kid he isn’t special. Louisa had just been hoping he came much later if at all. “Teddy bear you are special, you are…”

“Am I a freak?” Teddy interrupted, holding back the tightness in his throat and fighting to keep his vision clear.

“No. You’re my little boy and you’re not a freak at all,” Louisa took a calming breath. She could handle a lot of things, she could run a whole agency of private investigators with a fraction of her mind but not this.

“So who’s my father then?” Teddy insisted. He had to be the most stubborn, single minded child ever raised. Even as a toddler when he fixated on a toy there was no taking it away and no bargaining. He knew in the moment what he wanted.

But she was his mother. Louisa had to protect him, even if she had to protect him from the truth, and from himself. He’d never understand anyway, it was better this way. She had gotten the chance to build herself a real family, he didn’t lack for anything, they had a loving home, two cats Teddy adored and he got his Christmas wish every year. Like couldn’t get more perfect for a kid, Louisa didn’t understand how her son could feel so cheated. She sighed.

“Very soon, we’re going to sit down and talk all about your father. But not today. Sweetie, okay? I’m so sorry those kids said mean things and made fun of you, and you don’t know how much I wished I could take it all back so you never had to feel this way….” Nor would he ever know just how much. Most parents did the best they could, even when they did wrong things.

She knew Teddy wasn’t satisfied, he got that look on his face that said that he would be bringing it up again. Just that he would wait for now.
This wasn’t over.

Teddy looked away from Mommy, and out through the window. It was okay, she’d lied for seven years of course she didn’t want him to know the truth. So Teddy would have to find out the truth himself.

Train the Trainer – First Look!

Prologue – The Beast’s Cage

I hope he rotted in jail.

No. Rotting was a natural process, given to leaves and dead things to return it gently, however grossly, to the minerals of things to nurture the new. Rotting was too nice a process for Al. So here’s what I really wished on him…

I hoped he got the biggest, burliest, horniest cellmate in the whole prison joint. And to that end, that he was fucked every uncomfortable wakeful moment of his prison sentence. Without lube.

I wished fisted, gaping and bleed-some sodomy on him as I was walked to my cell where I was to share his sentence of ten years for driving my fiancé to and from the bank. A bank which I was made to understand he robbed effectively in under two minutes – how reminiscent of our own lovemaking. It was like bank robbery practice in bed, ‘Can I come in under two minutes? Gee let me see….’

“Come forward,” the blue uniformed prison officer gestured with the baton and I imagined shoving it satisfying up into Al’s rear orifice.

“Assume the position.”

By which he meant, ‘’spread em”. Gosh I had thought that was only in movies. And I had thought it couldn’t have been more humiliating for my family to see me on trial, be sentenced for accessary to the crime and be sent to prison without a shred of personal belongings. It was like they wiped the memory clean and killed the ‘good society mule’ right from existence. And instead you were just ‘a prisoner’, or inmate 5427.

I extended my limbs and waited, once again for another random officer to derive his pleasure from feeling every curve of my body.

Yes. There it was. The customary linger on and between my breasts and over the rise of my ass. I marked this officer, with the low buzz cut and washed out blue eyes, as one to stay far away from until this was all over.

“Clear, you can come through.” He waved me forward to walk ahead of him, “Turn right.” He directed me through the dimly lit halls that stank of aged and rusting pipes and bars.

When we finally reached the cells the officer started counting, just beneath his breath but still audible in the close quarters. I could feel the interest of the inmates stirring, as some of them peered from their bunks or wherever they were crouched. I ignored it as best as I could while trying to size up who was the biggest bully among them all. I’d need friends for my ten years, or so I had been told.

“…Five and six. Now turn left.” The guard must’ve been new or something if he still needed to count. He counted another six cells on the left, “…Five, and… six. Now turn right.” He continued, “One, two, three, four, five … six.” He stopped in front of the sixth cell.

This one had better light, but appeared to be empty. The officer jangled the keys as he searched now for the right one, checking on me as if I could run away with my cuffed hands and feet in a secure facility. Asshole.

The key was labelled, ‘666’ and was slightly bigger than the others.

You have got to be kidding me.

Inside the cell there was a wide comfortable mattress on one side, and a thin mattress that had been made neatly with autumn coloured sheets and even had a matching pillowcase. I knew which one was mine for sure. Because if this was the cage of the beast, I’d sure as hell sleep on the floor before I messed up the fine white comforter and white pillows on her bed.

“Go on in,” the young officer opened the cell wide and nodded with a quick jerk of his head for me to get moving.

In answer I rose my hands, still in cuffs and looked him right in his eyes. He blushed. Yep, definitely new. Then he fumbled with another set of keys, clicking the chain cuffs around my feet before taking off the cuffs around my hands.

I rubbed warmth back into my palms and entered into the beast’s cage, looking around.

It was clean, and smelled of pine fresh. The walls of the cell had been painted on, creating portraits that looked like they would sell in a gallery. As the officer locked back the cell I approached the wall, examining the paintings and becoming more and more impressed with each one.

I had been a curator at the art gallery down in Brooks, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought to find fine art in a cell. Ironic that I searched my whole career for a masterpiece for the gallery and now that I was fired and in jail that I should find several.

Maybe the inmate here wasn’t so bad, if she could make art like this. How did they even allow all this stuff in the prison?

I was looking at the face of a man now. All hard lines about his mouth, hard blues rimmed his irises and a jawline that could slice cheese. He had wavy dark hair and a prominent chin. The power of this image made me look away from the center of his eyes. It was hard not to contemplate who he was, lost in the emotions conveyed by the masterful piece.

I almost did not notice a door at the far back of the cell opening and a small woman with silvered hair with streaks of black emerged. Her prison uniform was obviously altered. I realised that I was not looking at a jumper, I was looking at a navy blue skirt, then an almost tunic-like top of the same colour. Her face had makeup, and she exuded the presence of someone very much in control, like the man in the painting.

“He was my husband.” She said without greeting, as she came closer. Her voice was elegant, slightly accented perhaps from years of travelling and socializing in high society.

I didn’t know what to say. Who was this woman? What was a woman like her even doing here? But I caught on to the use of past tense for her husband. “Was?”

“Yes. Was.” She offered no explanation. “You must be Kaitlin…. I’m Miranda.” She passed me and settled onto her mattress. “I had them prepare for you. Figured you for an autumn kind of girl.” She nodded towards the bed.

A beast who could small talk. I was growing in my amazement by the second. “You knew I was coming.”

“I asked for you specifically,” she replied looking at me where I still stood.

“Why?” And the guards had given in to her request. That spoke volumes.

“We have things in common. You and I.” Miranda stood and came to stand beside me, facing the painting. “What do you think of my work?”

Art? She knew I was a curator and wanted me in her cell to talk about art? This woman was crazy, and I was beginning to sense why she was dangerous. There was a spark in her, the kind that lights homes on fire and burns things to the ground. She oozed ‘wild card’ aura.

I had to clear my throat and stand my ground, pretending not to fear her closeness. “It’s a beautiful piece, it has all the elements of a masterpiece except one.”

“Except one?” Miranda was intrigued.

This was my area of expertise, I forged ahead, “Yes. Much of what people pay for in the art is the personality of the artist. The piece may be accurate but it lacks fire. The face, it’s flawless, almost inhuman. There’s no emotion underneath.”

Miranda came as close as someone who was a proper lady could ever come to sniggering. Then she touched the very part of the painting I had been avoiding. The eyes. “That’s my husband. Flawless on the outside. No emotion underneath.”

My heart raced, I had been wrong. It was intentional to make him soulless. But still, there was something else about it… “And you still loved him?” I could tell that much. The brush strokes caressed his jawline, kissed his lips and there were miniscule, curved little lines that looked like fingerprints on his cheek. As if someone had touched there tenderly before the paint could even dry, and had never bothered to cover it up.

Miranda was surprised this time. Her smile evaporated. “Yes.” She became cold in that one word. Then when she spoke again she was professional. “That’s why we are alike.”

I rose an eyebrow. In this moment I felt anything but love for Al. He had screwed me over.

Miranda looked at me, with those same unnerving eyes, although hers was a deeper blue. “We are intelligent women, I could tell from the time I first saw you enter the courtroom, your eyes. I could see it all. You’re a smart woman, can you tell me how you didn’t know your fiancé was robbing the place?”

I gritted my teeth. The judge figured the same way. He assumed that I was in on it because of how everything added up against me. With my wedding coming up we needed cash, and a honeymoon in the Bahamas was nothing cheap. Of course that all meant it was reasonable to assume that I knew we were robbing the bank. I shook my head, angry now. “I was a fool. I thought he loved me.”

“Yes. Exactly. Intelligent woman – who was a fool. The man you were with loved you, at least that what you told yourself at night.” Miranda returned to her bed and sat yet again, primly. “It blinded you to him. I know a bit of what that is like.”

“But you still love him,” I said without even thinking.

Miranda smiled. “Yes. Yes I suppose that’s the way it has to be with me. I still love him because we’d been married for thirty years. I remember so much of what he used to be… but I’ll tell you a secret, just between us girls…” Her voice lowered, she was letting me in on the real dirt. “I always knew he was a monster. I didn’t mind as much being treated like a washcloth. That was marriage, functional, messy but functional.”

That sounded sad. As a woman that had been about to enter marriage with a dirt bag I couldn’t even disagree. She was right, I was just sad that nobody had warned me like this before.

“Do you want to know why I killed him?” Miranda had continued, and she grabbed my attention again. So that was why she was in here. Her voice coloured with pride and hardened with hatred all at once, “He hurt my children. And I would kill him a thousand times again without a second thought.”

So she had been jailed for killing a monster. I wondered if it was to be this way for all women who loved horrible men.

“I know you didn’t know about Al, and I know you’re in here because the judge was an asshole who needed to prove a point.”

“How do you know all this, and how do you have all this?” I think my wonder at it all must have seeped into my voice, gesturing all around me.

“Men think they have power because they have wealth, and position. Some women have both and never have any power at all. But look at me. I’m freer in prison that I ever was living with my husband, and it’s all because I demanded what I deserve. Respect.” Her voice curled around the word and then spat it out in the fiercest way she could manage. “What about you? You want to get out of here?”

This woman had made me into a believer in just a few minutes. I didn’t deserve this, and I wanted more out of my life. I wanted my life back, and I damn sure wanted Al to pay. When I finally nodded she smiled, and her teeth flashed pearly white. Perfect.

“Then listen to me carefully…”

Train the Trainer Book Cover Preview

Following Obedience Lessons is book two, Train the Trainer

Obedience Lessons fans already know what’s going on, I’ve recently let slip on my plan to release book two by November of this year. So we are on schedule, and today you get to see one of the candidate covers for book two.

Against the black backdrop, we see Andy, with his hands behind his back as if he is the submissive (and we know he is not). After book one, Obedience Lessons, which displays Dylan looking determinedly ahead, we have this visual of Andy not even showing us his face. Could it be that he has some secret shame, is being humbled and being taught new lessons by an entirely new teacher?

What do you think? Does it get your vitals (you know what I mean :3 ) in a buzz?

You’ll have to wait and see, but the cover drop is just one way you get to pick my brain and see what’s in store for you in book two – Train the Trainer.

If you know you’ve got questions and I’m the only one with answers you know what to do. Hit me up with a comment, email or follow me on twitter where I will be engaging with my readers more directly.

Obedience Lessons 1st Anniversary

A year ago I started writing Obedience Lessons, click for a free preview

Honestly I can’t recall when I began to write Obedience Lessons. I had started and stopped, re-worked and re-worded, scrapped and re-drew it so many times. So what I do remember is when I looked at it and finally said, “You know what? This shit ain’t half-bad.” And from there it gradually improved.

Today, I’m hella proud. Because in under one year of being fully published, Obedience Lessons has over 5000 votes on Wattpad and about 120,000 reads. And I know it wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without the crowd of supporters that assured me through the worst blocks of insecurity that they loved my stuff and wanted to see me keep writing.

I did it for them as much as I did it for myself.

So I’m about to do something else they have been pestering me to get done. I’m going to be releasing the Sequel to Obedience Lessons in November of this year, and will be updating sneak peeks, hints and even trailers right here on my blog. Don’t believe me? Wait and see.

P.S. it’s called “Train the Trainer”.

A new world: In which I discover life above ground

They all used to look at me like I was some kind of rare fossil that the earth had sworn it had buried long ago. “You don’t have a twitter account? No Instagram? Oh my god I’m so sorry….”

Yes. They were sorry. Because obviously I didn’t make this personal choice of disconnecting from what I then saw as meaningless and a clutter of my personal life; it had to have been forced on me right? “He probably can’t afford internet,” may have been one of their rationalizations. Ha. I prided myself on not caring for as many years as I’ve been writing.

Turns out the idiot masses were right. So here I am. Gritting my teeth and swearing that I’m only doing this because its what successful people do. They network. But maybe you are all just like me, and I’ve misjudged you as people seeking fulfillment in a social platform full of strangers who don’t care much for you individually, because you lack real lives, I’m sorry 🙂 Not sorry.

Instead I’ll suck it up because it’s what all the experts said I have to do, please welcome me to the world people. I swear not to bite any heads off.

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